Keeping It Real aka Way TMI

Some very insightful and witty writers/bloggers have been posting about keeping it real on their blogs...not just posting the great stuff or the shiny pics about them and their family and it struck a chord with me. I started this blog for a few reasons. I wanted to record the goings on of the kids lives (I seriously have a problem with my short term memory...more on that at a later post) before I forgot it. I wanted a place to chuck all the useless & random thoughts that go around and around my head and having a blog/journal was part of the advice given by the counsellor I started seeing about managing my anxiety/stress and sorting out some "issues" I was tired of carry around. I wanted to make a photobook of family pics each year since I cant seem to find the time to scrapbook anymore. I wanted to write reviews of books and music and TV shows I liked without seeing my family and friends eyes glaze over when I tried to talk to them. I also wanted to comment more of fantastic blogs I visited and felt like a stalker knowing lots about people but not revealing anything about myself.
But I heavily edit this blog...especially the pics of me. Because I'm vain and controlling and I need to manage how others see me (counselling is going well cant you tell). Other things about me I really don't want you to know / or I would never tell you...
I find some friendships really hard work... If you want a friend who is always there for you and spends lots of time with you... I am not that person... I am ashamed that I am not a better friend.
I find it very difficult to have people in my house, I cant relax and end being exhausted by the people who I'm suppose to be spending "quality time" with. This is partly due to the size of my house (tiny) I am hoping that when we add another bathroom and bedroom I will feel more comfortable with having people stay over.
I will avoid conflict at all cost...I don't think I was ever given the skills to be assertive (this doesn't mean I don't get my own way) and a huge part of my counselling is trying to be assertive and honest with the people I love.
I struggle with living in the present moment... everyday I have to remind myself not to hang on to the past , not to overplan or stress about the future but enjoy and live today.
At 3am I stress and worry about my kids in very strange ways...I think I am so lucky having the children I have (healthy , good learners, well behaved and socially adjusted) but I'm scared to death its all going to change ...my kids are really easy ... what did I do to deserve this and if it is all just luck...I cant control it . Then I wake up and see that maybe luck and parenting have a bit to do with it... but it still stresses me out.
I have minor panic attacks in underground carparks and in confined spaces. When we went to Fleetwood Mac I was very worried about being in a building with that many people ...I relaxed as soon as I worked out where the exits were....I really do not want to be limited by what scares me...hence the counselling.


I reckon that this little blogspew is more than enough for "keeping it real". I have also posted a pic that I would never normally post...bra showing, stringy hair, wrinkle/triple chin, fat droopy arm, stupid look on my no makeup face..... Its a great one of Bear!

The funny/ironic thing about blogging is that the honest blogs where writers tell it like it is are the most interesting ones - not the train wreck ones that I cant read as I feel like a voyeur and not the blogs where ONLY the cute, shiny, perfectly edited pics and info is shared - I watch rom coms for that level of make believe.
Have a great day
Ex