I know it will all be ok

So I may have mentioned (or whinged non stop) about how much 2011 has sucked for me and for people I love. Well I think for someone who hates change its about to get a lot more suckier (making up words as I go along).


For years I have worked with David. Its been safe and productive and I have loved it. Lots of peeps say they couldn't work with their spouse. I think it worked for us because David is a completely different person at work. He works non stop and is incredibly professional. He rarely talks about life outside of work and it can take people (like salesmen or project managers) years to work out we are married. Of course this never stopped me from trying to sort kids/dinner plans/holidays with him at work... I just never get very far. Also the flexibility of the owners has played a huge part in my being able to work around study and the kids. For this I have been one of the luckiest people in the workforce.

But this year has been hard and the company we work for has been hit by both the lack of vision and direction on the Coast (2 speed bloody economy anyone?) and by flat out mismanagement from its owners.

Long stressful story short I started applying for jobs. I started applying for jobs in December last year . I started applying for jobs in December last year and after 22 applications and 21 "no thanks" I got one interview.

I got that job.

This is good but not fantastic as its a part time position doing research and admin at the University. I will still work with David part time and just keep swimming towards something permanent. David has some big plans for next year too so we are "going forward".

Wish me luck I am scared beyond words.

Not scared about being able to do the job or my capabilities just scared of the unknown.

I went and met some of the people working on the project and my new boss. They are all very academic (huh that is what you get working at the Uni!) but seem friendly.

I saw our accountant yesterday who is a really good friend and mentor and he allayed some of my fears and actually got me excited about starting something new. I then realised how worried I have been about this change (I have only told about 3 people). Dave has been wanting to take me out to tea to celebrate ever since I got the job but I have been too worried, embarrassed and ashamed to relax enough to celebrate.

Yes embarrassed and ashamed because the position is ONLY part time and could be a mistake blah blah catastrophising blah blah.

I realise this is a really unproductive way to think and have tried to ease up on all the negative self talk. To get a position on the Coast in this jobs economy is actually a big deal and I am just focusing on that.

So now for a completely over the top quote :

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” Marianne Williamson.

That is the story so far .I know it will all be ok. Hey it might even be stellar.