The Edge ...

There is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.

~Hunter S. Thompson

I can guarantee that the father of the Gonzo was NOT referring to a middle aged suburbanite just "gettin it done" each and every day with that quote.

But still I know The Edge.

For me its that place where I am ultra anxious ultra hyped and ultra scared about life's ultra trivial shite like making sure a school uniform is washed or we have tea at 6.35pm.

I realised Christmas Day that I no longer hover near The Edge.

I love that I wake up not exhausted from trying to keep all of my responsibilities from crashing down on me.

I wake up knowing I have responsibilities (like every other grown up) but I either choose to let them send me to The Edge or I choose to listen to my counsellor and my friends, get some exercise and good food and generally calm the eff down about life's machinations.

Evidently no one ever died from going to a dentist check up 2 weeks after the call back date.

For a long time I thought hovering at The Edge was a sign of being in control and living life. Apparently if I was consumed by the process of keeping a family clothed, fed and on time surely I was going to get a medal someday (off whom I am not sure) and that would proof of what a good productive life I had lived.

Yeah I never said I was sane.

But I realise how far I had moved on from that thinking on Christmas Day last year.

Maybe it was the break in the weather and seeing some sunshine, feeling loved up with family, being out with Bear and David for a bike ride or just general Christmas cheer but I just felt so CONTENT, HAPPY, BLESSED and LUCKY to be me.

I felt like I was living the life I was suppose to live ... having such a good time with my family and not worrying about the next thing. The Edge was so far from my mind and had been for a while.

I'm not going to sugarcoat it (oops just broke the first rule of blogging) I will always struggle with living in the now. I will always need to keep reminding myself of my priorities, my families priorities and how I DON'T want to feel each day. I will probably always have to fight the urge to plan and check and plan again and more importantly NOT freak out when the plan doesn't come together or when other people throw chaos into my order.

Also just so you know after these pics were taken Lulu rode her bike into the back of Bears and Bear called her an a not nice name ... and it started raining. Still it was what it was.